Why Does It Exist?

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Third Annual Feburtuary celebrations kick off with the non-steamy, non-erotic erotic thriller Tempted, a rather uninspired, Cajun-spiced reversal of Indecent Proposal with Burt Reynolds as the leathery millionaire who hires the main twinkly vampire guy from Twilight (not R-Patz, the other one) to seduce his wife (Saffron Burrows, of Wing Commander fame). Anti-plot-summary activist Malcolm Fraser joins me for the first and hopefully not only Feburtuary party of 2014.

You can purchase Malcolm's book Wooden Stars: Innocent Gears at Invisible Publishing. Malcolm and I will be co-guest-hosting Know It All trivia at Le Cagibi (5490 St-Laurent) next Wednesday at 8 PM (sign up at 7:30!).

Music this week provided by Doppelbanger. You can find them here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_061_-_Tempted.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:55pm EDT

We’re back: a dinosaur story! After a much-needed (ed. note: nope) four-month break, Why Does It Exist makes its triumphant return with Terminal Countdown AKA Y2K, a very timely Y2K panic thriller starring the guy from Unforgiven (the very 90s-named Jaimz Woolvett) as a bowlcut-sporting hacker who teams up with geriatric marine Lou Gossett Jr. and Russian-accented Sarah Chalke to prevent the USA from exploding Russia. I’m joined by returning guest Walter J. Lyng for a trip down memory lane to a more innocent time when laptops that could access porn were mind-blowing and the lush green forests of British Columbia looked just like the Amazon.


Catch Walter’s monthly talk show Night Fight this Friday, January 24th at Mainline Theatre (3997 Saint-Laurent) in Montreal!



Music this week provided by She’s. Their self-titled split cassette is streaming right now at Bandcamp and available for PWYC download. You can catch them on February 4th at Barfly (4062 Saint-Laurent) with Mountain Dust and find physical copies of the tape in record stores mid-February.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_060_-_Terminal_Countdown.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:31pm EDT

Director Philippe Martinez made a pretty OK Jean-Claude van Damme movie and an awful movie where Val Kilmer locks people in a sauna, so he’d already be a shoo-in to appear on Why Does It Exist? if his very first movie wasn’t a mindbogglingly terrible semi-satire starring Jerry Springer and Armand Assante. Citizen Verdict is a dizzying, bone-headed exposé of reality television that’s kind of halfway between The Running Man and being so high that everyone in Florida suddenly sprouts garbled South African accents. I’m joined by Floridian Skyler Bing AKA Skyluur Bing AKA Jacques Lutin as we dull our senses with a nonstop barrage of yelling and yellow filters.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_059_-_Citizen_Verdict.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:40am EDT

The Pacific Connection is the classic tale of a man who has two sticks and an overwhelming desire to whip bad guys in the nards with them. This weirdly enthusiastic Filipino martial-arts movie is a veritable who’s-who of actors who’d do anything for a paycheck (and by that I mean mostly Dean Stockwell) furiously furrowing their brow while a shirtless guy attempts to whack them senseless. It’s almost bad enough to be fun, but also filled with repetitive and mindless fight scenes and a weird blind hippie who stumbles around giving people healing herbs (OK, that last part is pretty cool). Despite being obscure enough that I had to whip out the VCR to watch my copy, it’s actually available in full on YouTube - I’m almost certain that whoever holds the rights to this won’t mind or notice.


WDIE old-timer Michel Thiffault-O’Narey is back to witness the carnage and be extremely uncomfortable about what he perceives to be my cultural insensitivity about a movie where shots to the balls are the stuff of high drama. Although his band The Hot Showers is no more, you can get their final EP here.


Music this week provided by FRIGID. Their song ‘Flesh’ off the upcoming double album ‘Violence of the Heart’ be found here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_058_-_The_Pacific_Connection.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34pm EDT

Low-budget LA-set crime movies starring also-rans and never-weres are pretty much the death and taxes of Why Does It Exist? They're plentiful (if not downright plague-like), dependable and almost always exactly as bad and soul-sucking as they look. This week's culprit is Venice Underground, a kind of Melrose-Place-meets-Miami-Vice turdburger that sees five hotshot young recruits attempt to dismantle a convoluted and poorly-sketched drug empire in Venice Beach. There's a mole, a hardass captain, Danny Trejo as a guy named Uncle Papi, a particularly haggard stripclub scene and various disorenting shootouts. The usual, basically.

Joining me this week is Cult MTL screen editor (AKA boss lady and Alex puppeteer) and comics artist Kayla Marie Hillier. You can read some her musings here, her Cult MTL material here and see her Twitter here. 

The song this week is provided by The Hydrothermal Vents. The song Inside a Movie can be found here. Keep your eyes peeled for their appearance at the POP Montreal festival as well as their upcoming full-length due out later this year.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_057_-_Venice_Underground.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:28pm EDT

The summer is humid and gross in Montreal, causing hundreds of thousands of people to stop everything they’re doing in order to drink beer all the time. It’s under the influence of this disgusting, thick, sopping humidity that we soldier on, sweating profusely and hydrating irresponsibly. I’m joined by past guest David Bertrand (formerly of Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre) for a viewing of famed animator Ralph Bakshi’s only 100% live-action film, The Cool and the Crazy.

A stilted remake of a forgotton drive-in movie, The Cool and the Crazy was part of a film series called Rebel Highway that updated 50’s teen films for cable, using the talents of contemporary directors and up-and-coming casts. The Cool and the Crazy is one of the more bizarre efforts due to its unconventional talent (it remains Bakshi’s last film to this day) but is unfortunately a giant load of garbage.

Music this week by The Hot Showers. You can find the song ‘House of Games’ on the Bobby Burns 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_056_-_The_Cool_and_the_Crazy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:34pm EDT

Demolition University is the sneakiest kind of Why Does It Exist? movie: a covert sequel to a movie that would itself qualify for the show, wrapped in enigmatic, shape-shifting poster art that never quite gives an accurate picture of what lies beneath. Yet another half-assed would-be franchise starring a Corey, Demolition University is not about demolition or university, but rather about plucky football player slash dork Corey Haim as he foils an attempted terrorist attempt on a water plant. Laraine Newman is the harried teacher caught in the middle of it all while Robert Forster (not yet benefitting from the push of a Jackie Brown, it seems) surveys the situation world-wearily.

Past guest Arnaud Audette joins me for a viewing of a movie with a truly transcendent approach to cover art.

Music this week provided by Alligator Baby. The song Calling Confidence can be found on their new album, The Cool Side of the Pillow. They will be launching the album on July 6th at O Patro Vys in Montreal – check out their Bandcamp page for more Canadian tour dates.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_055_-_Demolition_University.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:12pm EDT

We love unnecessary sequels here at Why Does It Exist?, and we particularly love sequels to movie we have not seen nor have any intention of seeing. Yet when my guest Lucy KiMusic parissis chose Like Mike 2 from the pile, I must admit I was a little surprised. Even in the realm of straight-to-DVD sequels to movies that no one understands, it’s the underdog. It’s also, from what I can gather, exactly the same as the first movie, except it centers on the murky concept of a kid getting magic shoes and playing STREETBALL as opposed to basketball.

Joining me this week is the aforementioned Lucy Kiparissis – you can hear her read out community announcements on CJLO 1690 every two hours, but she told me not to plug that.

Music this week by leamers. The track ‘Don’t Look Down’ off their MAGIC, YO EP can be found here. You can also catch them perform as part of Fringe on June 8th

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_054_-_Like_Mike_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:08pm EDT

It sounds like it could be the perfect Why Does It Exist movie: an unholy convergence of dated post-Tarantino hipdom, a washed-up cast at various levels of career trauma and the strained comedy of a first-time open mic-er. Despite being about the bloody battle for a priceless Native American artifact waged between Elvis impersonators, crooked cops, unscrupulous casino owners and Christian Slater, Guns, Girls and Gambling is the perfect example of Why Does It Exist? flying too close to the sun. It is painful despite the presence of Gary Oldman as Elvis, whose presence is offset by Chris Kattan as a gay Elvis impersonator and Dane Cook as a cop who chews a lot of gum.

Shawn van de Peppel joins me as we sink deep into the convoluted waters of Guns, Girls and Gambling. Listen to the end for an exclusive announcement of something that may or may not happen.

Music this week by Trade Secrets. The song ‘Nocturnal’ off their EP No Relation can be found here.  

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_053_-_Girls_Guns_and_Gambling.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:21am EDT

In 1973, a little movie called The Sting made a lot of Hollywood fat cats a lot of money. As with most runaway successes, it gave the fat cats a great idea:  replicate that movie’s success by giving the people more of what they had purported to like. Putting silly bowler hats and frilly dresses on the biggest stars of the time and have them cavort n big, expensive sets to jaunty piano music became a disturbing trend at the time and audiences stayed away in droves.

Possibly the most expensive and laborious of those failures is Harry and Walter Go To New York, two hours of family-friendly, old-timey entertainment that nearly sank the studio that made it even though they’re reportedly the ones that cut the jokes out of it. Regardless of who wins the blame game, Harry and Walter Go to New York is the extremely unfunny story of how two mediocre vaudeville performers (played by the notoriously rubber-limbed physical comedians Elliott Gould and James Caan) attempt to beat the world’s most prodigious bank robber (Michael Caine) at his own game with the help of a plucky dame (Diane Keaton). It’s sort of like Lucky Lady without all of the mismatched orgy sequences and the half-hour boat chase.

The result is tedious as all hell, so I am joined with Why Does It Exist?’s crown prince of tedious pedantry, Mickey O’Narey (formerly of Mickey’s Corrections). You can catch Mickey and his band, the Hot Showers, as they launch their latest EP at L’Esco on June 15th.

Music this week is provided by Bodyshakes.  The song ‘Buoyfriend’ can be found on the RRRAAH EP, available for an amount of your choosing here. You can also see them perform at Gerts Bar in Montreal on May 4th.  

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_052_-_Harry_and_Walter_Go_To_New_York.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:48pm EDT

I use highly unscientific methods to find movies for the podcast; they often entail clicking every single link on a washed-up person’s IMDB, only to discover that the choicest morsels are impossible to find. The discovery of someone like Nico Mastorakis is a true delight, then;  a man with a formidable output of hot garbage, all of which have somehow made their way to DVD (as part of the Nico Mastorakis Collection, no less) and all of whom featuring colorfully terrible casts and dubious concepts.

The Naked Truth lifts its plot from Some Like It Hot, its sense of humor from a four-year-old’s misconstrued image of Airplane! and its cast from Hollywood Squares for 93 truly dreadful minutes of minor celebrities getting hit in the balls, 90s models bopping around in neon thongs and the most belabored Casablanca parody ever put to film. Unsurprisingly, The Naked Truth was released directly to Cinemax; surprisingly, it has way less nudity than befits a film with that kind of release.

Joining me in the torture is Shawn Stenhouse, who despite his protests to the contrary is a standup comedian that people watch make jokes on a regular basis. He’ll be appearing at Burritoville on April 26th.

Café Racer’s In ‘n Out is the featured song this week. You can find on their Apollo EP here – Café Racer will be appearing at Crobar (1221 Crescent) in Montreal on April 27th.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_051_-_The_Naked_Truth.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:50pm EDT

When trying to find a movie that would fit in with my guest’s sensibilities this week, I came up with pretty simple criteria: it needed to have a rapper or a pro wrestler in it. Surprising, Wrong Side of Town does one better: it has both. Unfortunately, this does not make it better; evidently, the number of wrestlers and rappers is inversely proportional to the quality of the movie. Sentient ponytail Rob van Dam stars as an ex-Navy Seal who accidentally kills a non-threatening crimelord’s brother and finds himself running all over town, protecting his family from bad guys (including a blink-and-you’ll-miss-him appearance by Ja Rule) with the help of tiny-machine-gun-toting military buddy David Bautista.


A whole bunch of jumping and confusing car chases ensue in this limp Taken-ish action movie for which I am joined by Navid, host of the Apartment 6 podcast and member of STK. Navid is all over the Internet in various permutations, so follow him.


The featured song this week is STK’s ‘We Good’ featuring Sius Clay off their album Status Update. You can purchase it through iTunes here. Keep your eye out for the upcoming video!

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_050_-_Wrong_Side_of_Town.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:29pm EDT

There are only a dozen movies that Woody Allen appears in as an actor without having any creative input behind the scenes; of that dozen, almost half are throwaway cameos and supporting roles. Picking Up the Pieces breathes pretty rareified air, being one of a handful of movies that The Bespectacled One appears in a leading role in; too bad it happens to be an enormous sack of crap, a Day-Glo hallucination of a dark comedy filled with recognizable faces and very few recognizable jokes.

David Schwimmer in various states of undress! Sacrilegious jokes! Elliott Gould doing a weird German-Mexican accent! You can’t go wrong. Or you can go very wrong, depending on the way you look at this. Film critic / boy wonder / Fantasia programmer Ariel Esteban Cayer returns for a rootin’, tootin’ good time!

Music this week by We Were Not The Savages. You can find the track Let’s Talk About Me and You at their Bandcamp page and catch them when they launch their self-titled EP at L’Esco in Montreal on April 6th.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_049_-_Picking_Up_the_Pieces.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:33pm EDT

A half-assed attempt to put Burt Reynolds in another iconic franchise role, Malone has The Mustachioed One traipsing around the Pacific Northwest with his shirt half-buttoned while attempting to take down a vaguely Mitt Romney-esque villain (played by Uncle Ben from the first Spider-Man movie, Cliff Robertson) with vague nefarious plans. He drives to and fro, sometimes getting into altercations. Suffice to say that this was not enough to make Malone a household name. Comedian and journalist Walter Lyng (of Go Plug Yourself) joins me for a short and sweet  analysis of a movie with very little plot, lots of hair and at least one gross underage kiss from Burt.

Music this week provided by Dany Laj & The Looks. The song Take It Away off their EP Telepathic Voices can be found here. You can catch them tonight at Barfly in Montreal and at 3030 Dundas St. W in Toronto on March 29th, 2013.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_048_-_Malone.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:35pm EDT

The hallowed tradition of FeBURTuary seems as good as time as any to return from the will-they-won’t-they hiatus of the last few months. We are back with a rig that doesn’t sound like a lawnmower and a bevy of Burt movies for your listening pleasure. First up is Crazy Six, a post-apocalyptic (in name only) science-fiction (in name only) thriller in which a shabby junkie (played by Rob Lowe at a very confusing time in his life) is pitted between a couple of European monarch gangsters (played by Ice T and a flamboyantly pimped out Mario van Peebles, who speaks most of his lines in French).

Burt appears throughout as a good-ol’-boy cowboy/cop who’s somehow found his way to a job in bombed-out Eastern Europe. It sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? Well, if you were thinking ‘I really wish that a boring junkie movie like Candy was set in a vague science-fiction dystopia’, have I got a movie for you.

Returning as a guest this week is Cult MTL’s screen editor, Malcolm Fraser.

Music this week courtesy of Karneef. The track ‘Space’ off the album In Error can be found on Karneef’s Bandcamp page. Many apologies to Karneef for taking a hiatus in the middle of saying I would play the song.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_047_-_Crazy_Six.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:41pm EDT

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_046_-_The_Chaperone.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:20am EDT

October draws to a close with a viewing of the truly disturbing Campfire Stories, a lame-ass horror anthology based on an imaginary comic book by the ceo of Felix the Cat Enterprises that gave early credits to actors like Charlie Day, Abigail Spencer, Rob McElhenney, Jamie Lynn Sigler, John ‘Eyebrows McAnimeFace’ Hensley and a young Perez Hilton as well as capturing the shitty early 2000s incarnation of The Misfits in its ICP-like glory. Told by The New York Dolls’ David Johansen in full Tom Waits mode, Campfire Stories is public-access-level horror in its most delightfully embarrassing form.

Here to brave the terrifying tales with me is Ariel Esteban Cayer, boy wonder of the film writing world (Fangoria, Panorama Cinema, Spectacular Optical). Ariel and I discuss the generally dicey subgenre of horror anthologies, the film’s deep-running moral core (or not), a show narrated by a blue cockroach that we can’t remember the name of and other GHOULISH DELIGHTS in this last episode of October.

Music this week by Play Audio. The track ‘When the Bomb Drops’ can be found at their Bandcamp.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_045_-_Campfire_Stories.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:21pm EDT

Finally! After about a month of messing around, here is the not-really-lost Lost Episode recorded in sunny Toronto, Canada with the increasingly elusive, hobo-like Dan Weir!  Having recently acquired a phat stack of crap from reliable crap merchant Honest Ed’s, I gave Dan first dibs on the movies and he picked Busted, an unassuming-looking sex comedy that also doubles as Corey Feldman’s sole directorial effort to this day. In what I can only assume will come across as a historic event, we discuss the general grossness of sex in the 90’s, that one Ginetto Reno record that might be OK, Tom Jones in all of his variable permutations, the movie in some regards and Dan’s newfound bohemian existence in some depth.

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Music this week provided by Eagle Tears. The track The Shovel can be found on their Bandcamp.  You can catch them live at Piranha Bar in Montreal on November 17th.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_044_-_Busted.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:28pm EDT

All-horror October (all of the good October puns have already been taken by other podcasts) keeps chugging on with Venom, an impossibly boring movie that manages to make the concept of Klaus Kinski and Oliver Reed being terrorized by a deadly Black Mamba snake dull as dishwater. They (along with Susan George, reteaming with Reed for another Why Does It Exist? film) play a group of would-be kidnappers who get more than they bargained for when they get trapped in with the aforementioned snake. Everyone seems drunk and bored as shit, except maybe Kinski who seems to hold the secrets of the universe.

My guest this week is writer/filmmaker/musician Malcolm Fraser of Cult MTL, Tame Lion and The World Provider. We discuss the Hulk Hogan sex tape, the essential nature of Kinski’s autobiography, I heap a bit more blame on Dan for the missing episode and we wax poetic about the 90-minute pile of dung that is Venom.

Music this week provided by Sick Friend. The track ‘Nothing Tragic’ can be found on their Bandcamp. They will be playing at Casa del Popolo on October 30th, 2012.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_043_-_Venom.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:03am EDT

Of the main cast of That 70’s Show, Wilmer Valderrama has probably been the most elusive since the end of the show. He’s been here and there, he’s still roughly as famous as he’s ever been, but his film career never took off. Chances are that movies like El Muerto: The Dead One are mostly responsible for that. A remarkably ill-advised low-budget attempt to turn an obscure comic book into a Latino The Crow franchise, The Dead One is a limp, uninteresting anti-Aztec (!) diatribe that features a cross-dressing Billy Drago, Fez shooting himself in the stomach with a shotgun, a lot of chest touching (not as hot as it sounds) and more shitty CGI storms than your local news affiliate.

Joining me this week is Brian Hastie, host of CJLO 1690 AM’s Countdown to Armageddon and fellow Cult MTL writer. Brian trades in the blasting riffs and corpse paint for plinky-plonky GarageBand music and Wilmer Valderrama furiously applying makeup while kneeling in a cemetery. We discuss Lil’ Wayne various dalliances with TMZ, our comfort levels at the idea of being driven around by various celebrities and our mutual MP Tyrone Benskin’s crowning moment in 300. You can follow Brian on Twitter @brianhastie.

Music this week provided by The Bawdy Electric. The track A Modern Frontier can be found here. The Bawdy Electric will be performing at Casa del Popolo on Friday, October 26th. They are currently working on their first EP with fellow Montreal podcast Edge of the City for release in 2013.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_042_-_The_Dead_One.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:22pm EDT

A staple of the straight-to-DVD / Why Does It Exist? diet, the post-Tarantino, Fargo-esque black comedy has been pretty underrepresented on the site so far, for the sole reason that its existence is easily justified by the critical and financial success of the movies it apes. We know why those exist - but up until now, none of them starred the irresistible combo of Chris Klein and Fred Durst (y’know, from Limp Bizkit).

Play Dead is a pretty terrible boilerplate crime comedy (think U-Turn meets Galaxy Quest meets a dentist’s waiting room) with Klein in fetal Nic Cage mode and Durst actually doing a pretty good job of playing a murder-for-hire simpleton. Joining me for this episode is yet another former video store crony, Arnaud Audette. We awkwardly dance around the fact that we never speak English to each other, discuss rap metal supergroup Methods of Mayhem, take a shit on the new Resident Evil movie and completely forget to wrap up with the titular question. You can check out his musical projet, Morning Breath, here.

Music this week by Michael Mooney. The track Transmission X can be found here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_041_-_Play_Dead.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:54am EDT

I don’t know about you guys, but I got a little sick of navigating the thorny gender issues of bad romantic comedies and making everyone uncomfortable in the last couple of weeks, so I opted for something a little ‘safer’ this week: mutant cockroaches and Mickey Rourke. Despite that seemingly perfect combo, it pains me to say that Rourke and the mutant cockroaches do not share any screentime in They Crawl. This low-budget mystery thriller doesn’t really utilize the cockroaches that much either, but does have the jock boyfriend dude from Van Wilder shaking down one-time Hollywood hopefuls in warehouses. Rourke appears briefly in lounge wear and granny glasses to spout some exposition and throw a door at lead tough cop Tamara Davies - it’s that kind of movie.

I’m joined once again by Louis Lazaris as we expound on Breaking Bad (inevitably), Jamie Foxx and his personal appreciation of ParaNorman, Gabourey Sidibe’s crying skills and other edifying topics. The film that Louis and I co-directed, Something More Than Nothing, will be screening as part of the YoungCuts festival in Montreal on October 13th. (The film is not available for streaming on the website but I assure you that this is the date on which it is screening!)

Music this week provided by Loose Pistons. The song Linda’s Private Moments can be found on their Bandcamp. You can catch Loose Pistons at the Silver Dollar in Toronto on September 15th, at Club Lambi (as part of the POP Montreal festival) on the 22nd and at Cavestomp Festival in NYC (date to be determined).

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_040_-_They_Crawl.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:21am EDT

Hubris shows a creepy, potentially threatening side in this film from triple-threat actor/writer/director Bud Cort. Whereas helmers of previous Why Does It Exist vanity projects like One Trick Pony and Falling From Grace were content in placing themselves in the mopiest situations, Cort goes a couple of steps further and casts himself as a mentally-ill stalker in what presents itself as no less than a light rom-com. He plays a gross, sub-Bukowski poet that falls madly in love with a beautiful woman and hounds her constantly under the watchful eye of his best friend, played by Jim Brolin in full beach-bum mode.

Our guest Jenna Harkness and I discuss the myriad of problems of making a rom-com about sexual harassment, the questionable composition of fruit salad, eating babies in fiction and a very belated rehash of every conversation everyone had after the whole Tosh thing a while back.

Music this week by Yardlets. The track Lot Lizard as well as their new album can be found here. They will be performing as part of Pop Montreal on September 20th at O Patro Vys. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_039_-_Ted__Venus.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:25pm EDT

After last week’s Christian Slater fiasco, I was a little wary of dipping my toes in the Christian Slater pool once more. It’s true that the chances of Dolan’s Cadillac being as mind-boggling as Without Men were significantly lower, considering that it was once set to star Sylvester Stallone and Kevin Bacon (as opposed to the average WDIE film, which usually just goes back to whatever gross broom closet of the mind it was originally found in). But I had promised this week’s guest to do this film and, after a couple of weeks of just being horrified and baffled, I could’ve used a pleasant surprise.

Well, there was a surprise all right: Slater wasn’t the worst part of this by a country mile. Wes Bentley was. The dark-featured emoest of all teens from American Beauty places his waxy stare and furrowed front and center of this otherwise serviceable revenge flick. Of course, I later found out that Bentley shot this film in the darkest part of his heroin addiction, which I guess excuses some of the shittiness of the performance. Either way, he tries very hard to ruin this movie for everyone.

Returning for a second appearance before the dreaded Move to Toronto that has already claimed one of your esteemed hosts is David Bertrand of the late Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre. We discuss the weirdly pedo overtones of Million Dollar Crocodile, Mandingo, the archaic machinery used to subtitle movies that already have subtitles, the myriad of wonders held within the LP sleeve of Babe Ruth’s First Step and what the original short story by Stephen King means to him.

In Town with a Capital T off the album Good Dreams by Galen Hartley can be found here. For more information about Galen Hartley, visit his homepage. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_038_-_Dolans_Cadillac.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:39pm EDT

Despite doing minimal research on the films we cover, I like to think that I have a pretty good idea of what kind of movie I select each week. Without Men originally escaped my reach due to seeming in all ways like a pretty generic romantic comedy, despite the prominent placement of Christian Slater on the cover. When I read that it was based on an acclaimed novel about a South American village faced with a sudden lack of men after the male populace is recruited by a guerilla army, however, my interest was piqued. How do you take this NPR-friendly premise and turn into a straight to DVD romantic comedy?

The answer is baffling. Pitched somewhere between an episode of I Love Lucy, a Pedro Almodovar film and an entry in the National Lampoon series, Without Men is one of the least funny, corniest and most inexplicable film to ever be featured on Why Does It Exist? Lesbian subplots, group masturbation scenes, musical sequences, Oscar from The Office as a randy town priest and a harried Slater barely factoring into plot crash into an grey, mushy sludge from which no one escapes unscathed, least of all me and  this week’s guest,  onetime DVD thief Lizel Chavez.

Music this week by Cobra & Vulture – their song Early Adopter can be found on the Vocare EP, available here. They will be performing as part of Pop Montreal (schedule available here soon) as well as Phog Phest in Windsor this September.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_037_-_Without_Men.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:11pm EDT

One of the things that Why Does It Exist? has taught me is that you can get away with a shit-ton of dubious legal measures if you exist somewhere in the nether regions of Hollywood. After last week’s egregious ripoff of many of Hollywood’s best-loved films, we tackle Brando Unauthorized, a biopic done without any consent from the Brando estate and with all the integrity of a dollar-store R-Patz biography. Triple-threat auteur Damian Chapa (who has also portrayed Roman Polanski,  produces, directs and stars as Brando, a particularly brave move considering this lumpy fortysomething also portrays Brando at the tender age of 16 - certainly the world’s doughiest sex symbol.

As told through the eyes of Brando’s no-goodnik junkie murderer son Christian, Brando Unauthorized celebrates the great actor and innovator for everything he did that was of no particular worth: showing his ass to Talia Shire, multiple fisticuffs and extramarital affairs, telling his dad to stick it where the sun don’t shine and various other sundry melodramatic nonsense. If Ulli Lommel somehow began directing fiction features for TMZ, it would look something like Brando Unauthorized.

Having reserved Brando Unauthorized months ago, WDIE contributor and workhorse pedant Mickey O’Narey joins us for a frank discussion of what Brando means to this world as well as a lot of gesticulating and microphone-peaking impressions of Brando. NOTE: Why Does It Exist? does not condone or condemn the usage of dubious Jersey Shore impressions.

Dragon BFF by Which is Which is the featured track this week. You can find it on the 5 Songs About Creatures EP. Which is Which is performing as part of the FAST Festival in Sorel on August 17th and the Musique en Folie festival in Valleyfield on the 18th as well as La Sala Rossa in Montreal on September 30th.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_036_-_Brando_Unauthorized.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:30pm EDT

And so, all things move towards their end. Episode 35 marks the final episode with Dan as the weekly co-host of Why Does It Exist? as our furry friend moves on to the greener pastures of Ontario, where he'll pursue his dream of being a railroad hobo. Worry not, gentle fans; Why Does It Exist? is not going anywhere. We've decided to celebrate this momentous sliver of time with Eldorado, a film that has long been taunting us with its seemingly endless runtime of TWO FREAKING HOURS.

Sure, for your average film, two hours isn't much. But for this incomprehensible, mind-melting mish-mash of The Blues Brothers, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Reservoir Dogs, Heaven Can Wait, Kung Fu, Blazing Saddles and every other staple under the sun, it's downright perverse. Jewish Blues Brothers impersonators The Jews Brothers end up facing off with sick cannibal killers in this musical that replaces the original songs with terrible canned bar-band covers and manages somehow to shorehorn in performances by Michael Madsen, Darryl Hannah, David Carradine, Drop Dead Fred's Rik Mayall, Steve Guttenberg, Brigette Nielsen, Jeff Fahey, Patrick Bergin, Bill Moseley and Peter O'Toole in a series of intentional mishaps that may or may not be legal. This quintessentially WDIE film was, unbeknownst to us, a pitch-perfect way to usher Dan into the 'occasional co-host' role.

Music this week by alter egos. The song Native Tongue off their Free States EP can be found at their Bandcamp. They will be performing at Saint-Ciboire (1693 Saint-Denis) on August 13th, 2012 at 9:30 PM.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_035_-_Eldorado.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:07pm EDT

Because we hadn't seen Dan in some time, we decided to pick up where we left off: teen movies from the turn of the century, preferably of the obscure and unreleasable kind. Bad Girls from Valley High is a Heathers-ish black comedy that sat on the shelf for more than five years despite the presence of an Outsiders-like cast of up-and-coming talent (Julie Benz! Monica Keena! Chris D'Elia! Aaron Paul!) and established A-listers like Christopher Lloyd and Janet Leigh in its midst. We guessed it was most likely because it would be terrible; we discovered it was mostly because it was bungled genius. 

As we don't mention on the episode because we didn't know at the time, Bad Girls from Valley High is adapted from a Goosebumps-ish parody of young adult literature. Due to a lack of budget and schizophrenic tone, this doesn't really come across in the movie, leaving instead Aaron Paul's award-worthy portrayal of snivelling nerdery and Lloyd's background pratfalls to deliver 1/10th of the promised genius. Also discussed in this episode: boners, Breaking Bad, teen heartthrob Rider Strong, Dan's imminent (but not fatal) move to Toronto, why Alex doesn't like Jay Mohr, the douchiness of Danier-style leather jackets, etc.

Music this week by The Hawks. The song Eclipsed can be found on their Bandcamp. They will be opening for Young Men at Il Motore on August 16th.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_034_-_Bad_Girls_from_Valley_High.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:03pm EDT

After 33 episodes, another dream is finally crossed off the bucket list: we finally watched a pointless, straight-to-DVD sequel to a movie no one cared about in the first place. In fact, we’d not even seen the original. In a novel twist, Dream a Little Dream 2 predates the whole Road House 2: Dalton’s War / Wild Things 9: Buttsmash phenomenon by almost ten years. Indeed, Dream a Little Dream 2 pits the protagonists of the original forgotten body-switching comedy, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, against a femme fatale and a mobster who seek to recover the Coreys’ magical pairs of sunglasses that are highly sought after for their impressive mind control abilities.

Although one would expect plenty of shenanigans and cheeky humor based on the work of those crappy hypnotists they hire at company Christmas parties, Dream a Little Dream 2 mostly squanders its runtime on unfunny circular conversations, faux-trippy dream sequences and inane chase sequences comprised almost entirely of cost-cutting measures.

Joining me for the second week of Dan’s self-imposed exile in a Tibetan monastery is past guest and current Lolita-like sexpot thespian Alex Weiner. Alex appears in the short Attack of the Brainsucker, premiering this week at Fantasia. For more information about the projet Alex is working on with filmmaker Rafal Zielinski (he of Screwballs fame), check out the Tiger Within website.

Music this week is Out of the Past by the Redmond Barry’s. You can find it on their 1949 Murders EP, available here. The Redmond Barry’s will be playing at Death Church (just around the corner from Why Does It Exist? HQ) with Hopeless Youth on August 22nd as well as performing as part of the Pop Montreal festival this September.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_033_-_Dream_a_Little_Dream_2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:09am EDT

Nothing has ever quite tugged at Why Does It Exist?’s heartstrings like unmodulated hubris, especially from rich and famous musicians having a bad couple of years. That’s why we decided to watching Falling from Grace, an ill-advised bid at legitimacy from heartland rock pioneer John Mellencamp (who stars, directs and scores) wherein he uses incest and tense family relations as a fantastic excuse to stick his thumbs in his belt loops and pout. Great character actors are alternately smashed with a frying pan or demoted to senile comic relief status while Mellencamp works his way through the single-most laborious and painful way to make an album ever captured on film by the dude who shot Billy Madison.

We enlisted Shawn van de Peppel, drummer of The Hot Showers, webmaster of Them Blue Midnights and president of the Northeastern Montreal Mellencamp Superfans chapter to help us parse through this mess of don’t-wanna-talk-about-it anthems. You can check out his writings, drumming and weiner shots all over the Internet!

This episode’s music provided by Ol’ Savannah. The song ‘She Done Gone to the Devil’ can be found on their Underneath the Big Red Barn album here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_032_-_Falling_From_Grace.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:30am EDT

Nothing makes you more keenly aware of your mortality than seeing a time that seems like the recent past turn out to be dated and painfully lame. It happens to everyone and it happened to us while watching Longshot: The Movie, a film so rooted in its turn-of-the-century time period that it prominently features O-Town, LFO and N*Sync on the box (and, thankfully, the film). Written and produced by by sweaty Floridian svengali Lou Pearlman (he of Backstreet Boys and spending-25-years-in-federal-prison fame), it’s a hybrid gangster / teen film packed with cameos from such childhood luminaries as Dustin Diamond, Kenny Rogers and Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell. It’s about something, I bet (something about spying for trade secrets and also being bullied by Zachary Ty Bryan), but for us it was mostly about the non-stop barrage of cameos, each more useless than the next.

To properly experience this laugh-a-minute thrill ride, we invited Orlando native Andy White of TONSTARTSSBANDHT and Andy Boay to bring in the unique Orlando perspective of the Sunshine State’s jazz age, the fabled boy-band era. Suffice to say that the only person better positioned to deal with Longshot: The Movie (not to be confused with Longshot: The Podcast or Longshot: The Superhero) would’ve been Lou Pearlman.

Music this week provided by Sheer Agony. The song ‘She’s an Artist’ can be found on their self-titled 7’’ available here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_031_-_Longshot_The_Movie.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:21pm EDT

If there’s one thing we enjoy here at Why Does It Exist?, it’s enabling B-list celebrities to stroke their own ego through would-be satirical movies about the cold, callous and lifeless desert that is Hollywood. Before there was Not Another Not Another Movie, however, Michael Madsen starred in another ‘comedy’ of dubious satirical value. Being Michael Madsen is a reality-bending mockumentary which chronicles the heady days when Michael Madsen changed the world of celebrity forever by hiring a documentary crew to harass a paparazzi, thus ensuring that the hunter become the hunted and securing the world from their prying eyes until Bieber would once again change the core temperature of Earth by maybe tripping over somewhere around a paparazzi. Along for the ride are luminaries like Darryl Hannah, Harry Dean Stanton, Madsen’s ego, Virginia Madsen, Madsen’s hubris and Lacey Chabert.

Music this week provided by Brusque Twins. The song A Voice in the Night off their Voice in the Night EP can be found here. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_030_-_Being_Michael_Madsen.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:08am EDT

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Even a show as meticulously prepared and researched as Why Does It Exist? can come upon some problems. We thought we were watching Blast, a film starring Breckin Meyer and Shaggy as they took down some evil terrorists - but what we were actually watching was Blast, starring Johnny Cage and Rutger Hauer as they take down some evil terrorists. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Topics covered include orgies, the Vidal Sassoon fortune, Shia LeBeouf laying out the beef for a Sigur Ros video, Dan’s mom, the girl next door in the ‘It Wasn’t Me’ video, BetaMax piracy and a veritable treasure trove of nonsense.

We’re joined this week by writer and musician Pamela Fillion who has known Alex since forever and really wants to tell the world about how he was in high school, but that’s something for a different podcast that will never exist. You can find her writing at Forget The Box and her music here.

We’re also joined for the first time by Danica Fogarty, who usually watches the movies with us but declines to comment on them. Evidently, Blast was a rare beast.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_029_-_Blast.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:32pm EDT

Why Does It Exist? celebrates the coming of summer with Bachelor Trip, a sunny beach sex romp starring a quasi-geriatric cast that includes Christopher Walken, Morgan Fairchild, Robert Wagner and Rutger Hauer as a pencil-mustachioed Frenchman named Jean-Luc. Two best friends head to a tropical paradise after one of them is left at the altar for Herc from The Wire and his prodigious sunflower-seed eating abilities. Then, in a plot twist probably taken from the classic film Boat Trip, they get into all kinds of pratfalls and shenanigans pertaining to the fact that everyone thinks they’re gay. Certainly the only movie in Why Does It Exist? history (and perhaps all of cinematic history, though I have to admit to never having seen Sarah, Plain and Tall) to feature a Christopher Walken masturbation scene, Bachelor Trip is the kind of sexless sex comedy we can get behind.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_028_-_Bachelor_Trip.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:49pm EDT

Everything’s gone topsy-turvy in this week’s episode: we record the opening and dissection four days apart, the music is by Dan and this would-be slapstick comedy about a penis transplant actually turns out to be neither a comedy or explicitly about what it purports to be about. Percy is a brooding dramedy about a man who goes to unnecessary lengths to find the former lovers of the sizeable, philandering penis he’s inherited after a naked guy falls on him. Surprisingly it’s very light in shenanigans and tomfoolery, but it provides us with a large canvas in which to make an array of penis jokes the likes of which have only been seen on more unsavoury corners of the Internet. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_027_-_Percy.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:45pm EDT

The myth of Hercules just like you learned it school. You know, the one where Hulk Hogan was Zeus, Socrates was an aging neurotic Jew who lived in Heaven, Satan was actually the WWF’s The Big Show and, to prove his might, Young Hercules had to win a track meet in Burbank, California. We bring you Little Hercules in 3-D, a batshit insane cross between Clash of the Titans, Chariots of Fire and… uh… Encino Man? The film stars everyone’s favorite forgotten-physically-ripped-child-that-appeared-on-the-Maury-Povich-show Richard Sandak and a random collection of people who should feel very ashamed that they had the time to devote to this nonsense. Please note that the podcast is not available in 3D.

Joining us this week is actor Alex Weiner whom you may recognize from his appearances as Ricky the Pizza Guy on Blue Mountain State or in the film Territories. Watch for Alex in the upcoming feature films The Good Lie and Clyde Cynic as well as the short film Something More Than Nothing directed by none other than WDIE host Alex Rose and past guest Louis Lazaris.

Music this week provided by Young Lungs – the song ‘Blood in the Streets’ can be found on the 7’’ record of the same title available here. You can also check out the video for the song here, directed by the aforementioned Louis Lazaris.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_026_-_Little_Hercules_in_3D.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:01pm EDT

Keir Dullea and a highly bored Tony Curtis star in BrainWaves, a dumb horror/thriller by serial-killer auteur and possible Worst Director of All Time Ulli Lommell that we picked because it happened to be shot in San Francisco, from which Alex has just recently returned. Unfortunately this ain’t no Bullit, although someone does narrowly avoid getting run over by a cable car.  Instead it’s more or less like the longest Twilight Zone episode ever while also pulling off the feat of being the shortest film we’ve seen yet. We discuss public nudity, Keith Moon’s solo album, Curtis’ almost-pathological need to play doctors in batshit insane Z-list movies and Dan’s tortured relationship with sex doctor Sue Johansen.

Music this week provided by She’s Got A Habit. The song Call it Love can be found on the Blindfold Test EP, available here. They’ve also just released a live video for the track Different Directions which you can view here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_025_-_BrainWaves.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:13pm EDT

After several months, the stars have aligned once more and brought another Luke Goss / Val Kilmer pairing to the shores of Why Does It Exist? This time it's an extremely familiar story of seven strangers trapped in a house WHICH MAY BE HAUNTED. Thankfully, Mssrs. Valium S. Kilmer and Vingaling Rhames are on hand to provide bug-eyed overacting as a small ethereal child runs around stabbing the rest of the cast until they dissipate into black smoke. Dodgy accents, unexplained coincidences and eye-rolling abound in this week's episode, SEVEN BELOW!

Musis this week by Cinéma L'Amour. The song 'Empty Bottles' can be found at their Bandcamp.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_024_-_Seven_Below.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:04pm EDT

Bristling from the success of his supporting role in Annie Hall, Paul Simon went full tilt boogie and wrote himself a starring vehicle in the form of One Trick Pony, an extremely mopey 1980 drama where Simon plays a less successful (and ostensibly much mopier) version of himself that opens for the B-52s, beds St. Elmo’s Fire alumni Mare Winningham and finds low-rent antagonists in a Top 40-centered producer played by Lou Reed and  a clueless record company bigwig played by Rip Torn in a ravishing Prince Valiant haircut. Lots of pint-sized pondering from Simon and some of the most generic music of his career in this week’s Why Does It Exist?

Music this week is provided by UN. The song ‘Go Seeker!’ will appear on their upcoming full-length, due out in June. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_023_-_One_Trick_Pony.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:23pm EDT

We hosted a screening of Saturn 3, a rollicking space adventure featuring Kirk Douglas' butt, Farrah Fawcett's feathered hair, Harvey Keitel's dubbed voice and a giant robot with a tiny 'lil head. Introducing minisodes, episodes designed for a quick overview of movies we watched when the tape wasn't rolling!

Direct download: Minisode_01_-_Saturn_3_1980.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:09am EDT

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_022_-_Hot_Dogs.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:35pm EDT

 No study of Canadian tax shelter films would be complete without a zany snobs-vs.-slobs sex comedy. Hog Wild more or less fulfills that purpose by pitting a young Michael Biehn and his nerdy cohorts against the least threatening group of bikers in the history of cinema. At this point we know full well that nothing warms the cockles of Dan’s heart like pratfalls and foodights and the film delivers in spades. Meanwhile, Alex rails against the perceived threat of CGI nudity, we discuss the Mario cartoon / live-action hybrid, our respective graduation songs and Jian Ghomeshi’s soothing monologues.

If you’re in Montreal this week, be sure to check out our live show! We’ll be introducing a 16mm screening of Saturn 3 at the Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre on April 27th! Entrance is 8$ with a free drink!

Music this week is Wild Rose Country by Holland Creek. You can download their album Houses for FREE here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_021_-_Hog_Wild.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:16pm EDT

This week we welcome our friend David Bertrand of the Blue Sunshine Psychotronic Film Centre to the studio / bedroom for a viewing of the oft-overlooked Canadian tax shelter classic Tanya’s Island. Although mostly taking place on an unnamed island (actually Puerto Rico), Canadian money and ‘talent’ was used in this tale of a dream-like love triangle between a beardo, Prince protégée Vanity and a giant fucking (literally) cave-dwelling ape. Although we struggled to identify the Canadian identity of this erotic classic, we struggled even more with trying to wrap our minds around its many intricacies. The shortest episode of Why Does It Exist thus far, perhaps, but probably the densest.

David Bertrand is a writer, filmmaker, musician and Renaissance man who has run a funky movie theater out of his Montreal apartment for the last two years. The adventure is ending in mid-May, so you have but a scant few weeks to make the best out of Blue Sunshine!

Music this week provided by Alice & The Intellects. The song ‘Make it Better’ off their album Balloon Ride can be downloaded for free at their Bandcamp.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_020_-_Tanyas_Island.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:25pm EDT

After a brief (yet predictable) MIA spell for Dan, Why Does It Exist? returns for a month-long foray into the exciting world of Canuxploitation and more specifically of tax-shelter films from 1978 to 1982. Capital Cost April begins in full swing with Tomorrow Never Comes, a Montreal-shot hostage thriller that essentially plays out like a low-wattage Dog Day Afternoon with 100% more cans of Molson Export. A whispery, roast-beefesque Oliver Reed leads negotiations with the unhinged Stephen McHattie as he holds his ex-girlfriend (Susan George of Straw Dogs infamy, wailing hysterically as always) hostage. Lots of character actors are trotted out to give exposition, everybody sweats a whole bunch and the rebellious spirit of 1978 Laval is stamped out in favour of non-descript suburban nonsense.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_019_-_Tomorrow_Never_Comes.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:32pm EDT

If, like us, the sight of Ringo Starr sitting in Peter Sellers’ lap sends you in a tizzy, you’ll certainly enjoy this week’s episode. The Magic Christian features everyone’s favorite diminutive drummer as a homeless urchin who is adopted by the richest man in the world. Together, they run around the English countryside paying people to do humiliating things, like eating parking tickets and various other wacky 60’s things. It ends with everyone literally swimming around in poop. Yul Brynner like you’ve never seen him! Norah Paré (Alex’s girlfriend and Ringo super-fan) joins us for a classy, classy viewing of this forgotten slice of 60’s nonsense.

The featured artist this week is CTZNSHP. The song ‘On a Roll’ from their Swan Dive EP can be found here. The band will be recording a new album in the spring, so keep your eyes peeled!

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_018_-_The_Magic_Christian.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:35pm EDT

If, like us, the sight of Ringo Starr sitting in Peter Sellers’ lap sends you in a tizzy, you’ll certainly enjoy this week’s episode. The Magic Christian features everyone’s favorite diminutive drummer as a homeless urchin who is adopted by the richest man in the world. Together, they run around the English countryside paying people to do humiliating things, like eating parking tickets and various other wacky 60’s things. It ends with everyone literally swimming around in poop. Yul Brynner like you’ve never seen him! Norah Paré (Alex’s girlfriend and Ringo super-fan) joins us for a classy, classy viewing of this forgotten slice of 60’s nonsense.

The featured artist this week is CTZNSHP. The song ‘On a Roll’ from their Swan Dive EP can be found here. The band will be recording a new album in the spring, so keep your eyes peeled!

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_018_-_The_Magic_Christian.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:34pm EDT

We’re not always about farts and Burt here at Why Does It Exist? Sometimes we really delve into film history, analyzing trends and genres with depth and intelligent discussion. This week’s episode has us analyzing a document of unimaginable historical importance: Hard Cash, the very first direct-to-video action movie for both Val Kilmer and Christian Slater. History speaks of game changers; this, my friends, is a whole new game.

Witness as Kilmer robs Marlon Brando’s not-quite-dead body for all possible forms of showboating nonsense! Imagine a world peopled exclusively with shitty old brown cars from the 80’s! Hear about Darryl Hannah’s extremely low pleather pants! Marvel at the idea of Verne Troyer climbing out of the toilet! Sit in stunned silence as we explore the untold marvels of Hard Cash!

Along with us for this ride is Montreal-based filmmaker and former roommate Louis Lazaris. You can view Louis’ videos here and look at various other things that he’s done here. His video for the band Young Lungs drops in April, and his short film Something More Than Nothing (co-directed by Why Does It Exist? grand poobah Alex Rose) is set to air on CBC in 2012.

Our featured song this week is Hold On (Throw It At Your Dad’s House) by Goose Hut.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_017_-_Hard_Cash.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:39pm EDT

We say goodbye to collaborator and all-time most frequent guest Roxane Hudon as she sets sail for Glasgow with THUNDERPANTS, a British kitchen-sink comedy about a small boy who harvests the power of his incessant farts in order to shoot off into space. Rupert Grint plays his best friend, a lil' scientist type. We have the world pre-eminent expert on Rupert Grintology in the studio to help us unpack the dense mystery that is THUNDERPANTS.

Music this week is courtesy of Bones Malones. The track 'A Better Way' can be found on his 2011 album Calyptophone, available here. Due to the Internet crapping out on us mid-podcast, we did not mention on-air that Bones Malones will be joining Trigger Effect for a show at Petit Campus in Montreal on April 13th, 2012, as well as Divan Orange with Ryan McNally on May 24th. Check it out!

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_016_-_Thunderpants.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

Justin Bieber is pretty much the Mr. T of 2012, right? This is an undisputable fact. What Bieber maybe isn’t, though, is THE TOUGHEST MAN IN THE WORLD, a title that apparently belonged to the elusive Mr. T in this 1984 TV movie. T plays a tough but fair basketball coach who’s forced to perform in a strength competition in order to save the rec center from blah blah blah blah. Lots of fight scenes, pickle-chucking action, kids that dress like Alex, Mr. T in short shorts, a prominent role for Dan’s idol, Dennis ‘BIG DADDY’ Dugan, and wholesome fun for the whole family! We also unveil our first ever listener email and explore the new sensations that it gives Dan in his fancy pants.

Featured this week is the track Little Acorn by Charlotte Cornfield off her album Two Horses. She is currently on an extensive tourof the USA and Canada, check out the dates here. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_015_-_The_Toughest_Man_in_the_World_1984.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:52pm EDT

Terrible movies often have to straight-up lie in order to con people into watching them; this is a tried-and-true technique that goes back to stag loops being played out in dingy parlours in the 1920s (probably). It happens twofold in Camp Hell, a movie that so obviously lies that Hollywood A-lister Jesse Eisenberg actually sued the production company for using his likeness in a movie that he does nominally appear in. Presented as a Red State-ish religious horror movie, Camp Hell is actually a limp-ass Catholic guilt psychological thriller that barely features Eisenberg at all.

In this episode, we learn about Dan’s tangled religious past, Alex’s begrudging love of ska and the finer points of felching balls. We also meet TIMMY AND THE DEMON, Why Does It Exist?’s official shock-jock morning radio duo. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_014_-_Camp_Hell.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:27pm EDT

FeBURTuary finally comes to an end with The Man Who Loved Women, an ill-advised remake of a Francois Truffaut movie where a fully-bearded Burt plays God’s actual, bonafide gift to women. Despite being a real movie that was made with real studio money and actual expectations behind it, it is pretty underwhelming and definitely sexist. If you ever wondered why Burt never made a movie where Kim Basigner couldn’t resist blowing him at all times, he did. If you were wondering if there exists footage of Burt Reynolds sculpting naked or making out with Mary Poppins, there does. If you thought Burt Reynolds’ career was severely lacking in doe-eyed, artistic characters who just love too much, this is the movie for you.

Music this week is provided by Folly & The Hunter. The song Cost from their album Residents can be found here. Folly & The Hunter are currently running an Indiegogo campaign to gather funds for their second album; support them in this endeavor here. 

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_013_-_The_Man_Who_Loved_Women.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:37pm EDT

Infamous for the batshit-crazy story about how its crazy Belushi-impersonating, would-be gangster lead embezzled its budget and eventually landed in jail (and the improbable lawsuit that ensued in which an online film critic was taken to court over a negative review), Forget About It is a dumb mix of Grumpy Old Men and Analyze That that manages to be hilarious mostly because it sticks to the tried-and-true formula of old men doing silly dances and making boner jokes. Burt plays the taciturn leader of a pack of old coots who find a briefcase full of money that has been stolen from the mob by a low-level hustler (the aforementioned Michael Palermo). Raquel Welch shows up to dance around, Phyllis Diller makes out with a guy decked out in assless chaps, Richard Grieco emerges from whatever depths he was hiding in and hilarity ensues.

Our guest this week is Mickey T. O’Narey, a musician, graphic designer and  former video store manager who just so happens to have employed Dan and Alex in the formative years of Why Does It Exist? His band The Hot Showers are currently prepping their second album.

Music this week is courtesy of our friends at Arbutus Records. The track ‘Change the Subject’ by Paula featuring Cadence Weapon appears on Paula’s latest album, Relaxed Fit.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_012_-_Forget_About_It.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:31pm EDT

You know what’s ripe for parody? The concept of parody. This seems to be the general idea behind Not Another Not Another Movie, an ill-conceived collaboration between some struggling sketch comedians and that portion of Hollywood that’s game for whatever (namely Vinnie Jones, Michael Madsen, Chevy Chase and our man Burt) that fails to even fulfill its (skimpy as fuck) central concept. Cue lots of people falling down, our doughy lead in various states of undress throughout, a lead actress that does a bang-up job of being Anna Faris without being Anna Faris and a less-clever-than-you-thought cameo appearance by Richard Tyson. Even Dan’s regular optimism was whittled away by the concept of Not Another Not Another Movie, which is why we had to bring in our VERY FIRST GUEST.

Roxane Hudon is a film critic and journalist for the Montreal Mirror as well as a blogger of Ballz Montreal. She graciously accepted our invitation (she actually called dibs on Not Another Not Another Movie) and took the bull by the horns. You can follow Roxane on Twitter, if you’re so inclined, at @Roxanesballz.

Music this week is provided by Montreal’s own First You Get The Sugar. The track Scavengers (and not, as I first called it on the show, Renegades) is available on First You Get The Sugar’s self-title album here. They will be performing as part of Canadian Music Week in Toronto on March 21st

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_011_-_Not_Another_Not_Another_Movie.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:55pm EDT

FeBURTuary opens with a bang (or rather one hundred bangs) with 100 Rifles, a 1969 semi-Eurowestern that stars Jim Brown, Raquel Welch and mustache menace Burton Milo Reynolds himself as loveable scamp Yahqui Joe. It sounds super awesome, looks super awesome and, well... It nonetheless offers a good starting point for our month-long study of all things Burt, including chest hair, lip hair, head hair, overly-tanned and leathery skin as well as other less important details like body of work, biographical information and studies of Reynolds' acting style. In this movie, it seems to mostly revolve around falling off things. 

Music this week is 'All this Culture is Killing Me' by Wind-Up People. You can find them here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_010_-_100_Rifles.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:41pm EDT

Year of the Comet currently holds the dubious honor of not only being the film that prompted the longest episode, but also of the one that features the most amount of mournful sighs per minute (MSPM). This unholy concoction written by semi-senile malcontent William ‘Billy’ Goldman wants to be a delightful and charming Charade-like romp about a fabled bottle of wine but it unfortunately stars Tim Daly, who is not exactly delightful and charming. To this day, Goldman cannot talk about the ordeal of making this movie; thankfully, we can’t seem to stop talking about it ourselves. 

Music this week provided by HONHEEHONHEE.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_009_-_Year_of_the_Comet.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:39am EDT

It was bound to happen again. After their dynamite-ish pairing in the first-ever Why Does It Exist? text review, 50 Cent an Val Kilmer once again renew their fated, symbiotic relationship in Blood Out. Except that they don’t actually appear together in this movie, and their combined screen time is roughly eight minutes. Instead, Blood Out is a surprisingly not-terrible movie about a dude from a boy band running around Shreveport ‘thuggin’ and punching other dudes in the head.

This episode features a dangerous amount of vocal stylings by Alex but no construction of bike racks. Some would say this is in fact worse.

Music this week is provided by bluegrass wunderkinds Bum Tickins. You can find them here and download their album here.  

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_008_-_Blood_Out.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:29pm EDT

The history of cinema is littered with memorable love triangles: Jules, Jim and Catherine. Bella, Edward and Jacob. Benjamin, Elaine and Mrs. Robinson. Nowhere on any list of that type will you find the weirdo triangle/polyamorous team of Gene Hackman, Burt Reynolds and Liza Minelli in Lucky Lady. The unfortunate collision of 1970s libertine spirit and 1930s screwball nonsense, Stanley Donen’s much-maligned 1975 flop Lucky Lady finds no fans in Dan and Alex.

This episode includes but is not limited to:

-         - Actual semi-coherent discussion of film history

-          - Actual semi-disturbing discussion of threesomes involving Dan and Alex

-          - Why we hate organizing things and being in charge of things

-          - Juliette Lewis

-          - Dan's roommates building a bike rack for several hours

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_007_-_Lucky_Lady.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:26pm EDT

Episode #6: Catch the Heat (1987)

This came very close to being the best episode you’ve never heard. Ostensibly humbled by the academic tone of our discussion, Dan’s computer decided to commit seppuku soon after we recorded the episode. Thankfully, we were able to salvage the files and bring you an enlightening discussion of Catch the Heat, a 1987 actioner that reunites Stirling Siliphant (Village of the Damned, Poseidon Adventure) with his fellow In the Heat of the Night Oscar winner, Rod Steiger.

Steiger lethargically shuffles through his role as a talent agent/drug dealer who has found a rather unique way of smuggling Argentinian heroin into the United States. Unfortunately for him (and us), supervixen cop Checkers Goldberg (!) is on the case.

Music for this week’s episode is provided by the City Streets. Their new EP, Decline of the West, is available for free download. The City Streets will be performing Neil Young’s ‘Tonight’s the Night’ in its entirety on January 10th at Casa del Popolo – more info HERE.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_006_-_Catch_the_Heat.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:37pm EDT

Every couple of years, a movie is made wherein the power of the Internet is harvested for nefarious means and gladiatorial combat. 2011’s entry is Arena, a straight-to-DVD effort that pairs Twilight beefcake Kellan Lutz with Formula 51’s Samuel L. Jackson. It is a movie that promises very little and delivers exactly that, while also wasting the talents of supporting players James Remar and Dan’s main squeeze, Degrassi alumni Nina Dobrev. To my knowledge, though, it is the only movie in which Jackson makes out with a pair of nubile Asian twins. 

This week’s song is Black Country by psychedelic-lunatic-pop-tribal-stoner-punk-fusion-surf-wave duo Tonstartssbandht off their 2009 opus An When. Thanks to the guys and Arbutus Records for letting us use the song!

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_005_-_Arena.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT

Amidst all this talk of banning the word Christmas, last-minute shopping frenzies and desperately trying to find your ‘fat pants’, we at Why Does It Exist? are proud to bring you a moment of respite. Allow yourselves to be lulled to the sweet sound of our Christmas special, an in-depth discussion of the Dolly Parton vehicle A Smoky Mountain Christmas. Co-starring Lee Majors as the world’s cleanest hermit and directed by none other than The Fonz, it’s the heartwarming tale of how Dolly Parton is so awesome at everything that her life ends up sucking because of it.

Hear as we marvel at the levels of trickery that make it possible for Dolly Parton to play a guitar with her talon-like fingernails! Weep uncontrollably as we outline the troubling life stories of the amorphous blob of orphans she may or may not end up adopting! Hoot in ecstasy at the appearance of deus ex Ritter! Squeal with delight at the surprise cameo appearance by platinum-selling pop architects The Jingle Cats! Explode with rage as Alex fails to identify


Music for this episode provided by Chix ‘N Dix. You can find them online here or here or see them play a show almost every week, it seems. There's a reason why I'm about to refer to them as the hardest-working punk rock band in Montreal.
Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_004_-_A_Smoky_Mountain_Christmas.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:36pm EDT

Buddy cop movies are the comfort food of the movie world: they're always the same and that's what we want from them. We want to see the same dumb jokes, shit blowing up and formerly-good actor hamming it up as the villain. Loose Cannons is the food poisoning of the movie world: it looks like it'll be a good time but it actually ends up being several hours of runny poop. Gene Hackman looks bored, Dan Aykroyd tries way too hard and Dom DeLuise waddles in the worst movie we've dealt with thus far in the audio realm.

Music for this episode is provided by The Firework Express. While you're at it, check out their video for the song Where Are We Now?, directed by Louis Lazaris.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_003_-_Loose_Cannons.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:00am EDT

Passion Play had been on my Why Does It Exist? radar for a while, but was disqualified for a myriad of reasons that include a) a theatrical release; b) a certain level of notoriety after Mickey Rourke went and ran his mouth about it before it came out; c) an entry in Nathan Rabin’s My Year of Flops column, which as you diehard fans know automatically disqualifies a film from being covered on the blog.

That rule, however, does not apply to the podcast, so Dan and I sat down and took in an hour and a half of soulful staring by Rourke and Hollywood sexpot extraordinaire Megan Fox under the bemused eyes of the Prince of Bemusement, Bill Murray. As you’ll see, your esteemed hosts had somewhat different reactions to the material.

Music for this episode is provided by The Hot Showers, a rock trio notable for being the first band in Why Does It Exist history not to feature Dan Weir. You can find their official website here and download their album for whatever price you want here.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_002_-_Passion_Play.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:00am EDT

In the very first episode of the Why Does It Exist podcast, Dan and Alex decide to tread well-trod ground with The Bleeding, a vampire action movie starring WDIE stalwarts Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones, Armand Assante and, making her inauspicious and unmemorable debut, LA Ink star Kat von D. Witness the tinny sound and general I-don't-know-what, flopsweat-covered excitement of a pilot episode! 

Music for this episode provided by Tyger Tyger.

Direct download: Why_Does_It_Exist_-_001_-_The_Bleeding.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:30am EDT

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